Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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