I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
