Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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