so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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