Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
