FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
