21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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