I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
