woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
