And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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