what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
