Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
did i just pee glitter
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