On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
