Where did you get a picture of my penis
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
