I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
