We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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