This is not my ceiling
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
