So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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