"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
