They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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