What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
