You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize