he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
