You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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