FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
