i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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