I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He is an equal opportunity slut.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize