You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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