Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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