Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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