I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
