I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
