he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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