I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
