I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Your cock deserves a montage
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
