The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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