You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
is wine microwaveable?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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