don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You were trust falling into bushes
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
