im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize