What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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