And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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