My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
