Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
