It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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