I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
