If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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