I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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