Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
