Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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