"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Dicks are not precious.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize