I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
