There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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