There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
