U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
