Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
