season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
