went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
