White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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