just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
