Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
my god I love twenty year old dicks
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize