If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
