This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize