I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
