I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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