He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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