Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
