Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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