that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
