you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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