so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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