It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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