he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
