your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
