shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
