dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
