I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How external is "for external use only"?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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