you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
