some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Randomize
