Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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