guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
