she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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