I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
