I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
