Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
