i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
