So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I have fence marks all over my body
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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