I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize