2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Are we still banned from the library?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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