Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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