woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
