I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize