After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
