I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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