Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
They have beer where we have blood.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
