I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My penis needs a shock collar
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
