People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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