My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
