can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
