90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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